Saturday, November 27, 2004
I find myself unassumingly dealing with an extravegent situation of erratic emotions and sensory overloads. Perhaps im truly my worst enemy, my worst judge and finally my own worst critic. Knowing that in solitude, where i lay alone in my humble abode, i am subject to a relentless torrent of my own evaluations and judgements. Knowing that such sorrow awaits in my room when i linger alone, i long to be surrounded by people. Perhaps it seems i may be a social butterfly of sorts, all cheerful with that wide eyed smile on show like the mockingbird for all the world to see, i am lonely. The moment i have time alone, i begin to deal with these cruel evil demons that seek to destroy me from within. Maybe such abberant reactions to a pleasant month is the inevitable result of an inferiority complex, where having failed for so long, in success i doubt reality as a dream or a passing fantasy, shutting my eyes from time to time, attempting to wake once again into my cold world. Tie me to this illusion, just a bit longer, its been beautiful, seemingly unreal. i am so certain im about to wake. Before i cry myself to sleep, i pray i could live this dream for just one more day before my lucid awakening.
Posted by Jo