Sunday, November 28, 2004
To my friends, to my audience, to those who love me, to those that detest me, to this inanimate electronic diary, hear my cry, my mournful cry to heaven as i show you all jo as he is.
Without mask, unpretentious, im truly a weakened and broken soul, tired, and saddened by all my failures, by all my losses and by all those who no longer walk along side me in this upward journey i call life.
I long to cry, break down for all to see, to proclaim that i am weak, to proclaim i can no longer lead, to proclaim that i am imperfect, to proclaim that i am sad.
I stand by myself in the plaintiff docks as i read out the verdict of my crimes, my crimes of lies and fraud, my travesty in love, and my failure to express and emote.
Forgive me, i am trying, and i try very hard. every day i wonder why i pain so much for i am truly blessed with much! is it ambition? the unsated thirst for more? maybe im a perfectionist, who want everything but cringes at every sacrifice he allows others to make for him.
Perhaps this is just another moment of madness as i find myself slowly gathering up the pieces once again, tidying my hair as i steady myself to face the world again as jo. I cant deny emo jo lives, and he lives on even in his initial death. i tried to kill him but he seeks to wrought the reigns of my mortality. But truly, sometimes i want to let him win. Let him run the show for a bit while i take time off to rest my tired soul. Fighting him is more tiring than dealing with the world.
Gimme an hour or two, all would be well again.
Posted by Jo