Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Mentally and emotionally incomprehensible, perhaps it is time for me to stop attempting to understand myself and focus more on living.

Remember this thing i say about emoting and evanescent? These two simple actions are truly chicken soup for the soul, give it a shot, you will be suprised at what you find.

I guess all of us seek someone special to understand, to cherish, to love and to communicate with. May it be your best friend, may it be your soulmate, may it be your steady, may it be your fiancee/fiance, may it be your spouse or husband, i believe all of us are truly blessed with a handful of those, but sometimes you just got to look more carefully, chances are they've been there for you all the while, its just that you're looking in the wrong places. Or at least most of us are sometimes looking for this elusive someone and hoping to find it when they are already so many around you that you have yet to recipocrate. Love doesnt always come in the form of the opposite sex, or does it come in a relationship of intimacy, sometimes this love can come in the form of a close friend, or even from your pet cat!

I remember tearing a lot of recent, as i embark on a journey to embrace myself as i already am, to embrace myself as joey, not a personna, i who wears no masks, i as simply jo, in all honesty, unpretentious.

I found this child, one who still looks upon the world with his shiny eyes ever so glazed with those hint of tears, those hints of innocence as gazed curiously at all creation

I also found a one wing angel, one who used to fly, to fly ever so high and for the world, he fell and found himself in heaven, at peace with what is on the ground than the infinity of above.

Daring to love, daring to hate, daring to emote is what i've embarked upon these past days, it was magical, it was honest and it was heart warming and sometimes painful all at once, but its been so long since i felt this alive, unbounded by decorum, guided by instincts and emotions. For when one emotes, he would experience the most beautiful of emotions and sometimes the lowest nadir of emotions, such is the sacrifice that comes with unchecked emotions.

I wish sometimes i had more verbal eloquence over spoken eloquence, then perhaps i could commute my joys, my pains and my love to those around me more effectively.

Sometimes i wish i would not "love so excessively" or hate with such bitter aplomb. Sometimes i wish i was more lacking in the empathy department, so i would not feel so bad when i had to say no sometimes. But i guess eventually i would learn to use this pseudo blessing/curse, to acknowledge it as a part of jo rather than attempt to kill it off.

Never loving, one would never know true joy, and neither would one know true pain. But to love, one would one day know true joy, yet true pain along the way is inevitable.

I used to laugh at people that validate their existence through the existence of others. I balk at my immaturity. Our lives, our experiences, our past, and our personality are what defines us as individuals and as individuals, our existence is built upon the validation of our pressence in this planet thorugh other individuals. Would i be jo without my friends? would i be jo without the people i love? I am jo because i love, i am jo because i have friends, thus could it not be said that all of us validate our existence through the existence of another? Let you guys in on a clue, someday one would find another in this world that would validate your existence thtough his or her own existence as you would to his or her own existence. From rom that day on, perhaps you have truly and completely validated your existence. When two persons who's mutual love complete each other, their souls intertwine in preparation for the eternity that lies ahead, from, there, they sail towards the future unknown as one being, one complete soul. Humans are like puzzle pieces constantly searching for the missing piece in another, someone special who you could complete as well. I am still awaiting that final validation of my existence.

I am a guy, i Love and i dare to love. I proclaim i cry and i am proud of it, for today, i am truly preaching what i preach. I have learnt to emote again.

Posted by Jo