Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Its hurts me greatly to pen in here, it means the other channels and means of expression to my love is now close. I dont want to have to pen here again. I can only pray that this is temporal.
I pen this with tears welling up in my eyes. Just minutes ago, i watched the national day fireworks on TV. It was beautiful, but it was nothing without you. Remember me promising you to show you a rain of stars someday? Today was the day. But that could always wait, and if you would allow, there is always next year. There will be a starfall then, but why not today? Because i have hurt you, hurt you with my horrid past. I hate myself.
I tried to ignore the pain, the emptiness but all that efforts are in vain. I sit here once again alone, reminiscence of the dusk in my life before you brought me sunshine. Before the last TJIF, i truly believe that it was just you and me against the world and nothing could take it away, nothing. But something i did years ago came back to haunt me, and it now threatens to take away everything i cherish dearly, it wants to take you away. Please dont let it. Please. There has to be sunshine yet. Some bright star to light my night, a star named Jiaying.
I hope, never gave up hope. Staring at my MSN window, my DT window, my Yahoo messenger, our blog, my blog and friendster. Anything at all. anything to mark the end of this horrific time, the breaking light to a temporal night, a night brought about by my past failures.
I beg of you, let us live once again in the now, live once again in the present, and once again believe that We Will get there by Candlelight, i truly believe we can. I promise never to hurt you again. I promise with my entire heart and soul. I hope like i have never hope before.
I love you Jiaying.
Posted by Jo