Sunday, October 14, 2007
I fear my emotional detachment. I have tried a multitude of time, talking through, writing through, praying that the presence of all my treasured friends can lead to a certain resolution in my emotional emptiness but i announce again, i might have failed. Tears that needed to come like the rain to wash away, to renew, has failed to come, and the signs all point to a sunny disposition. A false sense of well-being pervades my psyche, a rushed process of healing that i will take several steps to slow down, that my heart may catch up with my mind. Emotions like anger, like love, like lost, like frustration and fear swirl around my head, my face like a mask, never betraying my inner turmoil. Some would call it denial, others would call it self-pity, i call it an act of exhaustion. My conscious mind has wrestled control from the entirety of my psyche, it dictates the process of healing, never allowing my unconscious to catch up. My conscious mind seeks to protect, while my unconscious screams in frustration has the other shackles it in clothes of sanity. The beast, or the heart perhaps, claws outwardly, seeking recognition, seeking the rain that washes the past away. I grow tired smiling, very very tired. He shall not be denied.
Posted by Jo