Tuesday, October 28, 2008
All right, every major life event deserves to be penned down. Once again i shall try to capture the moment, but i shall begin from a more macro philosophical stand point.
Year after year, i've fished out euphemisms and roundabout ways of labeling birthdays, so far, i like the "validating my existence" one the best. Haha. It probably not my idea, but its something that has stuck with me thus far as i journeyed through life. I sums up my ambivalent attitude towards birthdays.
When we were younger, these were days we look forward too, pure joy, pure anticipation, simple, indulgent and fun. As the years tumbled by, we find ourselves caught up with the prezzie, the birthday party itself, things became more complex and less simple. Less fun too. The white tone of birthdays gradually faded to grey with black threatening at the horizon as we surge pass the threshholds, first 10, then 16, then 18, then 20, then 21, thereafter, its downhill. Validating my existence. Break it down and you do realise it isnt entirely happy nor is it simply sad, its almost melancholic. Many will remember my blog post when i reminise of childhood and innocence past and gone.How we all hold on to memories of good times gone by, filling our lives with testimonies and trophies of achievements, o merely memoirs of the past, but ultimately effigies of moments lost to time. The angel of the future look back, but blown forward by the tornado of flux. We try, but the seconds that dwindle by flow like fine sand through our fingers, unaccountable, rapid. We try to hold on, tightly, softly, but it flows endlessly like the tide, like how the eb flow of seasons and currents.
Then why do i not pen down these anxieties? To be mildly intertextual, i recall faintly the issue of silences, about how one can read and classify silence. To apply it within my own framework, let me guide you into reading my own silences. The first most convenient silence is one sloth, this one is the most frequent silence you will experience during your time here. It cant be helped, sloth is one of my pet favourite sins. The next type of silence is abject silence, the kind where u should be figuring what the hell happened to jo, is he consuming copious amounts of alcohol and smoking enormous amounts of tobacco while crying his heart out so much that he cant see the screen and thus cannot type. Of course i dramatise, that kind is lesser, and more often than not ill attempt to master the trauma by writing. But if one day i simply dissappear after any kind of trauma, those privy to my mind please, please seek me out and giv e me a hug. Then there is the third kind of silence, the one that you all have been experiencing of late. This silence is that of profound happiness, a certain inner peace that the world is good and God is in his heaven and all is well with his creations. Its that kind of moment that i merely live it, too excited, too involved to pen it. I just wanted to savour every second, no time to ruminate, only time to form memories. That would best encapsulate the silence you all were experiencing here.
Lets just say, silence is my response, the third silence, to the recent birthday party i had, it was so good and to attempt to capture it in words, is a momentous task i shall not embark on today, for now i opt for the 3rd silence. In due time, i shall try to capture it in words, to give you all an alternative to pictures, but for now, enjoy the pretty works of Camera Lucida while this artist furiously pens away...
Posted by Jo